Sophie The Great

Big Bad Beautiful Brains (00:05)
Welcome to Big Bad Beautiful Brains. I’m James. Since I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD at the age of 45, I’ve been on a journey not only to understand how my brain works, but also how other people think and navigate the world. Each episode follows the same set of questions. I ask every guest the same ones, from icebreakers, about music and curiosity, through to how they think, process, and navigate life. The idea is simple. By asking the same questions,

we get to see how differently our big, bad, beautiful brains work and how much we share in common too.

Big Bad Beautiful Brains (00:40)
This week I’m speaking to Sophie the Great. Sophie is a singer-songwriter with a wonderfully curious mind. Someone who’s always learning, always open, and ready to dive into whatever the world has to teach her. I spoke to Sophie on Wednesday the 17th of September in my studio. It was chucking it down with rain outside, but we had a fantastic conversation.

which covered a lot of different areas around neurodiversity, looking after your mental health and different ways to think about the challenges the world can bring you. Hope you enjoy it. Here we go.

James (01:21)
Sophie. Hello. Hello. Are you right? I’m okay. Thank you. I’m okay. It’s a miserable day outside

Sophie (01:23)
I’m good, how are

But it’s making it much more cosy inside.

James (01:30)
It is, it’s really nice. I was saying to my daughter yesterday that I love autumn because you just feel kind of a lot more grateful to have the inside and it’s when the jump has come out.

Sophie (01:40)
I love autumn,

my favourite season.

James (01:41)
Absolutely, So

thanks for coming in to my little studio and having a chat. what’s something that’s been stuck in your head lately, a sound or a song or something that’s just repeating through your head?

Sophie (01:54)
The song Walk Home by Bon Iver or Bon Iver if you want to be fancy. I did not listen to anything else for about two and a half weeks. That was the only song I listened to. And this morning that’s all I’ve been listening to at home as well. is like, do you listen much to Bon Iver?

James (02:10)
Yeah, when kind of I what was his first album? Yeah, that was kind of when that came out that was a kind of real deep dive and I tend to have those sorts of albums as well where one song really sticks out at the moment. I’m Deftones’ new album. It’s awesome. But that’s kind of my earworm. I just play stuff to death and then I won’t listen to it again for a really, really long.

Sophie (02:15)
Forever forever

Cool, I’ll listen.

Yeah,

get bored of it. Yeah, Bon Iver like his earlier stuff, like loved that, but I’ve only discovered him like kind of recently and his later albums, like the production is phenomenal. I would recommend the album 20 to a Million to literally everyone. You have to go into it with like an open mind because it like is quite out there, but.

It’s a religious experience in an album. It’s fantastic. But the Walk Home is from his newest album, which came out in spring. ⁓ And it’s just the perfect song. You know, when you listen to a song, it’s like I would not change absolutely anything about that.

James (03:11)
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. It’s just kind of no notes. Yes, exactly. Absolutely sublime stuff. And it can be like the simplest of…

Sophie (03:19)
Yeah, it is

actually really simple but done in a very clever way. Yeah, it’s really good. Would recommend.

James (03:26)
Awesome, I will check it out. What’s something you’ve been curious about lately? What’s kind of made you think that’s something I need to know more about?

Sophie (03:35)
I think recently I’ve been more curious in testing my comfortability because there’s lots going on in my brain and…

when things have been the same way since I was born and I’ve always done things a certain way ⁓ there’s always been the fear of okay what if I don’t do it but I’m a very logical person and through struggling with a lot of different things I’ve always remained my logicalness I suppose so like logically you know that like certain rituals or routines like

isn’t necessarily going to do anything in the whole wide world, but when it’s in your gut, you can’t change that feeling. Your brain simply cannot override that. So recently I’ve been trying to do tiny little things that challenge that and curious on how I feel afterwards. And so far it’s going absolutely awesome. ⁓

James (04:29)
What’s one

thing that’s kind of stuck out recently that you felt like is a leap?

Sophie (04:35)
I

think for me, and it all comes, a lot of it stems from superstitions, so like three drains or going under two posts, know, stuff like that. And when I tell you, for my entire life, I’ve avoided these things. And you know, it’s like the normal thing, I think people are like, It’s really silly stuff, but when you have a brain that takes those sort of things for gospel.

it becomes a lot more serious. if when I was a bit younger and struggling a bit more, I thought that I always had to step up on my left leg, step down on my right leg. There were so many patterns and to do with lefts and rights and sensory experiences. And then.

Recently I’ve been challenging that and I walk over three drains and I walk over four drains and one drain and I walk through things and I’m just proving to myself stuff that I do already know but I need to do it in practice to see hey look the world is exactly the same and it makes you anxious but some things, not everything, but some things is a little bit of you just gotta try, not with everything.

James (05:47)
Yeah,

yeah, there’s some stuff that is kind of immovable.

Sophie (05:50)
Yeah, exactly, which

again they don’t cause harm, but for me I’m like how far can I push myself to live a more comfortable life where I’m not constantly in a state of hypervigilance thinking okay avoid this, do this with left leg and I’m like how can I calm my nervous system down a little bit to see ⁓ just walked over three drains and not feel positive or negative about it. That’s something that my sister has talked to me a lot about is like

as soon as you attach positive or negative emotion to things they stick around so I don’t want to be like yeah I’ve just walked over it did feel like that the first time I did it obviously yeah exactly but now it’s like yeah I just walked over three drains like it’s not a big deal

James (06:28)
down.

Yeah, think it’s one of the things I’ve found is that it’s removing distraction is to kind of get rid of some of the things that hang around in your brain or that your brain can attach to and overthink about and trying to kind of reduce that and reduce the anxiety which can then kind of help with other other stuff as well. Exactly. And getting rid of the noise or working out ways to turn the noise down. Exactly. Doesn’t completely go away. But it’s just kind of finding ways to kind of go. I acknowledge it’s there, but I’m going to crack

anyway.

Sophie (07:05)
it’s acknowledgement

and neutrality. think that’s the best approach to it. Another thing I’ve been doing, which is so funny and silly, and again, like, it’s just fun and I love it. One of my biggest anxieties and fears stems from being perceived in the wrong light. Not necessarily just being perceived, but being perceived in a way that I feel like that’s not what I’m giving off. So normally, you know, I go on lot of walks, so I’ll, you know, smile at strangers, pet their dogs.

But recently, and sometimes the thinking about it like so black and white like is this illegal to do? No, well then I’ll do it because there are that’s really helped me that sort of mindset has really helped me because you know I would sometimes walk past strangers on a walk and like not smile at them and be thinking about it the whole walk thinking my god they think I’m a terrible person like completely spiralling and a thought like trying to be extra nice to everyone else that I encountered to make up for it and then when I look at it black and white I’m like it’s not illegal

to not smile at someone on a walk. So recently, like right before I’ve been crossing someone on a walk or when they pass me in a car, I’ll just pull out a really silly face. I’ll just go, I’ll just like do the most stupid face, like stick my tongue out, like contort my skin. I’ll be like, like that to people because it makes me anxious because I’m like, what are going to think of me? Like blah, blah, blah. And then I’m like, one, it’s not illegal to do that. I have free will. And two, like, it’s just fun. If I saw that on the side of the road, I’d be like.

James (08:32)
That’s

funny. It’s a mix, I think, of kind of overthinking, rejection sensitivity, ⁓ all of that kind of bundling up into another big anxious ball. sometimes it’s just like, I’m never going to see that person again.

Sophie (08:46)
Exactly,

that’s the best thing about it, especially when they’re in the car, then they’re gone. They’re gone so quick.

James (08:51)
It’s

just a little moment of silliness that they either probably didn’t notice or they just went, oh, OK. It doesn’t matter.

Sophie (09:00)
Yeah,

exactly, and it’s proving to myself that like doing these things, like I do have free will as much as the way that I’ve sort of conditioned my brain to almost believe that I don’t have free will and there’s a right thing and a wrong thing, but it’s like everything is just a thing. The perception makes it a right or a wrong thing. So if I don’t perceive it to be a bad thing, it’s not in my world.

James (09:26)
Yeah, and if it’s, know, sometimes you have to lean into a little bit and if it’s not doing anyone any harm, it’s fine. do stuff that makes you feel comfortable and that, you know, there’s obviously some barriers you don’t want to cross. But at the same time, if I feel comfortable and happy in my own skin, I’m going to be better to be around anyway. Exactly. So I’m going to do the stuff I feel comfortable doing. And you kind of find your own crowd in process of doing that as well.

Sophie (09:34)
the main thing.

Of course.

for sure.

James (09:55)
Okay, so what’s… ⁓ if you had to describe your brain in three words, what would those words be and why?

Sophie (10:03)
I should have prepared for this one. Okay. Complicated, simple, and silly. A bit of a juxtaposition.

James (10:15)
Nice. Yeah, yeah.

why the simple and complicated in particular, why those two words?

Sophie (10:26)
I naturally I do tend to, like you said, over complicate things, psychoanalyse every single thing ever. And I guess that’s probably been a way for my brain to keep me safe because it helps me to…

study socialization and learn a lot more about humans and people and how to interact with people that I expect that everyone is always psychoanalyzing me and then the more I meet people, some people obviously are quite similar and those people are like very close to me, but most of the time I think some people’s brains are a ⁓ bit less analyzing of…

So when you do it, you expect everyone else does it to you. ⁓ And I’ve learned the hard way, but that’s not true. ⁓ And so leaning into the simplicity, like I look at some people that I love, and I don’t mean this in a horrible way, but I think it must, it’s quite simple to be in your brain. Like I have a friend, he’s one of my really good friends and…

I’m like, oh, what you thinking of? He’s like, nothing. I’m like, what do you mean nothing? And he’s like, well, now I’m thinking about thinking about nothing. And it’s like, there is just like no thought until quite an intense stimulus reaches him. And I just love that simplicity. And I love my brain as well, but I look at people around me and I’m like.

Well, I’m gonna try and do that now. Even if it’s not naturally how I am, I can still change the neuroplasticity that is so powerful that I can actually make it more simple for myself. And when I do overcomplicate things, it’s like…

telling myself hey that’s okay that again approaching it with neutrality like not being annoyed at the fact that I’ve gone down this spiral or a good thing it’s just acknowledging it like hey that’s okay let’s take a simpler approach and then rethink and

James (12:33)
Yeah,

it’s kind of adding the question of do I need to think about this? Yeah. And just having a little bit of a conversation with yourself in your head and going, I could intellectualise this or maybe not. Maybe I’ll save it for something else because there is a kind of finite amount of brain energy each day and it’s kind of like, could I use it for this or maybe I could wait till a little later and see what pops up that could pique my curiosity.

Sophie (12:56)
And I think that pause where you question it is so important because a lot of the time I just do things and I’m constantly thinking but not necessarily in the most present way. when I’ve noticed what helps me with those rash decisions is literally, just taking a breath and asking it to yourself out loud. Okay, do I need to have this thought? Is this a good or bad thought? Whatever it is, but just take

that minute and it in time helps so much to just slow everything down that’s what need to learn to do just slow down yeah no rush

James (13:35)
Embrace the pause. kind of allow for those moments to happen. Sometimes is if you get stuck in a thought loop, it’s very hard to step out and find those pauses because you’re kind of your brain is just going a thousand miles an hour. It’s like I haven’t. Everything spinning too fast. I can’t take that pause. Yes. So it’s just having that thought process sometimes of allowing your brain space to take those pauses. Because if you get too far down a rabbit hole, there’s no there’s no

Yeah, you’re kind of down there and you’re in it. So it’s it’s being a little bit ⁓ Mindful which mindfulness is it I think is a tricky word sometimes because it can take people in the wrong direction Yeah, they’re trying to do is, know, have to be Zen. Yeah, it’s like no not necessarily But you just have to build our space for those pauses

Sophie (14:24)
Yeah, and I think it’s all about awareness. think that’s what mindfulness is for me is just being aware of things. Even if you don’t change it, just being aware of it, that’s the first step for anything.

James (14:36)
Absolutely.

What’s something you’re still figuring out?

Sophie (14:41)
I feel like every year I’m like, oh no, I know everything about myself now. And then it’s another year I’m like, wow, last year I seemed like a bit less in the know stuff. To be fair, I feel like.

I have a lot of good stuff figured out for my age, I’m 22 and I have been through a lot of stuff but I’m kind of glad that I went through at a young age because I feel like it’s, I’ve got now more of my life to have a few more things figured out rather than a slow burn where I break down maybe like in my 30s and I’m like I don’t know what to do because I haven’t been through it before whereas I’ve been through a lot of stuff.

and I’ve come out the other side and I feel really blessed that I was young when it happened because I feel like it helped me figure out a of stuff. What am I figuring out now? I’m figuring out what I’m figuring out. There go.

James (15:34)
That’s a good answer, I like that one. Still figuring out, still working out what the next step is.

Sophie (15:40)
Yeah,

that is literally me. Before I would think that I’d have to have like a five or ten year plan for things but I’ve figured out that actually having like short-term plans and like that’s really good for me and not knowing what the future holds is also really good for me because I’ll get bored of it before I get there. ⁓

James (15:59)
Yeah, you know,

any plans after what I’m doing later and what I’m doing tomorrow probably don’t happen because it’s kind of like my brain will just kind of to go, we’re going to have a left turn now and we’re go over here. So it is the kind of ⁓ long term planning with any sort of ⁓ distraction led brain is kind of like, I’m just going to keep it simple and keep it short.

Sophie (16:22)
Yeah, and also like if I plan something and then it doesn’t go to plan that will cause me way more stress than if I didn’t plan anything.

James (16:29)
Do

you rehearse plans in your head before they happen? Yes. And then kind of get thrown when it doesn’t quite go to script? Absolutely.

Sophie (16:40)
Yeah, one of my I mean it’s my favorite thing to go over like this is the thing that I do when I lay in bed every single night I think about what time I’m gonna do everything like the order I’m gonna do things in like the amount that I literally look forward to going to bed and that’s something that like calms me massively to think okay what is tomorrow looking like but then as you said if it doesn’t go to plan I’m fucked

James (17:05)
⁓

The two things I really struggle with is like if there’s a plan for something or like we’re seeing people and then the people cancel and in my head is like but I had the schedule was gonna be in this shape and then that stops being that shape. Yes. Super hard. Like super super hard.

Sophie (17:27)
I’m

exactly the same and the worst part is is that a lot of the time I’m the one that cancels on other people. It’s such a double standard. It’s like right we’ve made this plan if you don’t turn up you’re evil and if I don’t turn up it’s because I’m burnt out and I can’t handle it right now and that’s fine I need some me time but learning a bit of leniency with that.

James (17:49)
Yeah, just kind of, know, it’s forgiveness goes both ways. Sure. acceptance that sometimes you can’t do things. Exactly. that’s fine too.

Sophie (17:54)
Push.

Exactly, and I feel like my whole friendship group, everyone has very similar brains and that helps massively because when it’s like, Soph come out, we haven’t seen you in a while, which is me at the minute, I’m socially hibernating. ⁓

And then it’s like, don’t really feel like I’ve had a busy day at work and I just want to go on my walk and chill on my ones. And everyone’s like, that’s fine. And I feel like I’ve never had that acceptance. And also, like if someone else doesn’t turn up, I understand like, that’s fine. know, like who you surround yourself with is so important. And the fact that we all have the same brain is brilliant. I’ve strayed so far from your question. ⁓

James (18:40)
I started going to the pub when I was like 14, 15 and it was the spread eagle. That was like even way back in the darkest 90s. It was still the alternative pub and I still bump into people from there and it was a mix of like ravers, metalers, grunch heads, indie kids, shoe gazers, the whole lot. But everyone kind of got on. Everyone was just neurodivergent and it was just like…

everyone just kind of existing in their own bubble and I bump into these people kind of years later and go hi how are you and it’s like I’ve got diagnosed autistic.

Sophie (19:13)
Yeah.

James (19:15)
But it is kind of, you you find your crowd and you kind of, you know, I think in the age of social media in particular, there’s the kind of desire to try and build your crowd as big as possible. But it’s the small intimate group of friends that stick with you for life. A perfectly comfortable being with you and not seeing you for a really long time and then picking it back up later on.

Sophie (19:31)
kind of

Exactly and I find in these neurodivergent groups is like everyone probably felt like left out at some point in their life or the odd one out like sticking out like a sore thumb whether it showed then or not, ⁓ But that’s why the bond is so good because it’s like all of the outcasts and they come together and that’s why it’s like, I don’t fit in but we all don’t so we all do in a way.

James (20:04)
Yeah, it’s

a little bit of a contradiction. It’s something I definitely found at high school as well that I didn’t fit in. I of just felt like I was on the outskirts of everything. But then I just found a group of people who were just exactly the same as me. And we just started playing in a band. And it was just like, let’s do a thing. This is cool. Everyone else hates it. that’s fine. It’s just really nice to kind of…

Sophie (20:21)
Yeah, that’s the best part!

James (20:27)
naturally feel you want to gravitate rather than trying to make yourself fit into something that you’re really fighting against.

Sophie (20:33)
Exactly that because

in high school you know I had brilliant friends, and I was well liked I think by most people But the problem was no one knew and I didn’t even know who the real me was because I had a different personality for every single person I encountered because I would know what they liked I would have observed them already on how they react in situations of someone else acting so I knew Whether to or to not act like that person I

I felt manipulative but obviously it was just masking of course and I didn’t know that at the time and it was exhausting ⁓ but now is the first time in my life where I am just relentlessly myself.

that there is not an ounce in my body that feels performative anymore and I’ve got to the stage where I just don’t care if we’re different like this, we don’t have to hang out, it’s that simple. And in school you don’t really get that option obviously, but I have a bit more autonomy as an adult now. ⁓ But it feels like the best feeling in the entire world to have such good, weird, freaky friends because I just fit right in and I don’t have to pretend at all.

James (21:46)
That’s That’s

awesome. What’s something about everyday life that’s easy for you and hard for others or the other way around?

Sophie (21:53)
I think creating is something that is easy for me.

I mean, easy for me is like the wrong word. Like I can’t not create. Like wherever I am, I am like, my brain is constantly creating things. Like I’ll write down lyrics in my notes or any ideas that I have. it does not turn off. And I’ve struggled with that a little bit in the past, but now I’m like, just let it happen. Nothing, there doesn’t have to be a product out of the creativity, which is something that I’m still training my brain to understand. I simply,

cannot not create like when I’m on my walks I’m just inspired by everything so I suppose I’ve had like in terms of songwriting I suppose maybe I’ve had writers block before I’ve put pressure on myself to write a song about this thing and I can’t do it but when I let it happen naturally it never turns off which I guess for some people will probably be quite different because

of the neurodiversities I have, I feel like one side of me has like really out of the box, obscure ways of viewing life and thinking, and the ADHD makes those thoughts happen 24 seven. So that’s like a mix to like always create, because you have different thoughts and they’re happening all the time. The other side of it is, is the horrors.

James (23:15)
Yeah, and it’s

like when you don’t want that to happen or it’s not happening and you kind of I’ve planned in time for that to happen and it’s

Sophie (23:23)
And

it normally happens now, but why isn’t it happening now? Yeah, that sort of thing. So I think like there’s definitely a good thing. Well, there’s you know, positives and negatives in all of it. Something that I struggle with. think now I’m still, this is what I’m still figuring out.

learning my boundaries because I think being undiagnosed from like most of my life so far ⁓ has naturally and it sounds like a good thing but I don’t think it is good thing it’s naturally built up a really big resilience in my head and a large threshold of what I can handle because I was looking at things through what I thought was a neurotypical lens and thinking this is the normal boundary like you know like ⁓ I’ll just get on with it that was

That was very much what it was like for me growing up. It was like just get on with it. And I’ll be like, okay, that’s what everyone else seems to be doing. I’ll just get on with it. Which in turn resulted in more struggles later in life. But now I’m really relearning my boundaries and there’s things that I could do when I was younger, but I can’t anymore. And in my head that doesn’t make sense because it’s a pattern. Like I’ve done it before so I can do it again. But it’s actually knowing to put boundaries on things, which is something that I’m trying really

hard at the minute to put boundaries on things and when I put the boundary that short bit of uncomfortability while setting the boundary is worth the comfortability after rather than the uncomfortability in both situations or just being comfortable in that moment for the other person’s sake and then later thinking I should have gone home five hours ago or something like that rather than saying actually I’m gonna go now the other person doesn’t care sometimes viewing things a bit

more black and white can help. So I think something that I struggle with more is social burnout definitely on an everyday as we were saying earlier like a lot of the time I want to be surrounded by everyone ever and I want to have all of these conversations and then in a minute it will just flip off and that’s something that’s really hard when I’m at work because I work in a cafe. I can’t really…

be my non-verbal self if I’ve got to be on till and stuff like that which again if someone doesn’t have my brain then they might not struggle with that. So it’s learning on how to manage it because I know it’s not going to stop it’s learning how to manage it and I’ll be like okay I’ll go do the washing up for half an hour.

James (25:57)
Yeah, the more you’re in touch with it, I think the more you can be aware that something like that’s coming. And rather than kind of running face first into a wall, you can kind of go, can see, I’m sensing the overwhelm or the dysregulation coming. And I’m going to speak for myself and have some protection over myself by saying, I need to step out of this. And it’s not, know, it’s getting rid of the thoughts of, my God, what are they going to think of me? Yeah.

and just kind of going on, you know, I’m putting me at the front of it.

Sophie (26:29)
Exactly

and like the more I like the the more and less that I observe people the more I realize like

It’s literally fine. There’s some evil people in this world, like me taking a five minute break. That’s so fine. Sometimes I need a comparison to be like, I’m so fine here. I’m not doing anything wrong. They’re not going to think any different of me. And very luckily, all the people at my work really understand things. For me, noise is the main thing. That’s something that I really can’t deal with. So we’ve got freshers next week. And last year, I was allowed to wear my headphones on.

It’s just like those little things that make you feel so seen and so heard and cared for that I’m really grateful for because I know a lot of people would not get that in a workspace. So I feel very grateful for that, which helps.

James (27:21)
Have you found any approaches that make the world work better for you? I know you mentioned like headphones in the workplace when you’re feeling and dysregulated with kind of noise. Is there anything else that you’ve found recently that you think has made a difference to your day or how you move around in the world?

Sophie (27:39)
or million percent talking to yourself out loud is, and again, it’s those cliche things, it’s like, ⁓ talk out loud, blah, blah, blah, and it’s like, shit, like, no, this actually works, and there’s a reason why people are saying it. I don’t know, I haven’t fact checked this, but I think I was talking to my sister about it who’s doing a master’s degree in psychotherapy and counseling, so she is very, very, she’s a great person to talk to, but.

She’s helped me through a lot of stuff and she was saying that when you say things out loud It’s a different chemical that’s released in your brain than when you talk to yourself in your brain and you don’t externalize it Which is why therapy or talking therapies can be really useful not to say it to someone else but just to hear yourself say out loud and You know, you might think that you need someone else there to be able to talk about it out loud But I always I’m always talking to myself in my head anyway, so when I externalize things it feels so

much because in my brain if there’s like 20 voices at once it’s all mumbo jumbo but I only have one like voice like out loud so if I say that one thought

or that one conversation that I’m having with myself, I’m tuned into just that rather than the other 19 that are in my head. So on my walk, I have a favorite tree. It’s over at the Heath and I sit and I have a little coffee and I just talk to this tree sometimes for like, yeah, over an hour and I just talk to a tree and…

It’s weird because it’s like, hippie dippie blood. I’m like, no, this is actually normal. Like we’ve strayed so far. Everyone’s like, know, one with nature. I’m like, that’s how it’s supposed to be. Like that is where like my nervous system is the most calm when there’s no one else around and I’m talking to my favorite tree and I feel like it’s listening to me. I really do. Like, and because I’m listening to myself through the tree, like using the tree to listen to it.

James (29:37)
Yeah,

it’s like a sounding board and I do exactly the same. My dogs come down here. I usually have a conversation with them and there’s a term in like web like with developers and that sort of thing called rubber ducking ⁓ and you buy a rubber duck and you sit on the top of your on your desk and you explain what you’re gonna do. So if you’re like you’re trying to problem solve something you’re gonna go okay I need I need the web page or whatever it is to do this and you describe it to the duck and it’s like it’s the same as you the same as you talking to the tree or something like that it’s just verbalizing it and

getting it out of your head and separating it from everything else that’s going on that your brain is trying to get you to think about.

Sophie (30:14)
1

million percent and I feel like I don’t know what this science behind it is, but you are genuinely So much more likely to say this is another thing that’s helped me if I’m at home I’m like, I’ll go do this go do that saying it out loud, right? I’m going to do the washing and it it genuinely does help and when I It’s those moments where I’ve said it out loud and I realize I have autonomy I can just do the washing like it’s not this huge chore that like there’s so many things in my head saying

But what about this? I say it loud, I’m doing the washing and then I stand up and then I do it.

James (30:47)
Yeah,

is the ⁓ creating that simplicity and separating from all the things that your head could do and just reminding yourself that like 90 % of the things that you’re overthinking don’t exist. Yes, they’re in your head. They’re not in the world. The kind of the thought about how someone might have reacted to you smiling at them when you’re crossing the road or ⁓ when you go like, I still always catastrophize about directions. Someone would ask me directions and I just kind of go into

a tailspin and give them the most intricate directions because I didn’t want to let them down. And then I go, no, I forgot about to tell them about to turn left there. And it’s the kind of like the hangover of, my God, I’ve let someone down. They don’t care. They’ll find a way. It’s just like, that guy was a bit overexcited. Info dumped on me. I don’t know why. And that’s it. They just kind of move on with their day. it’s just, you know, all of those things that go around in your head. think, yeah, saying the thing out loud that you want to pay attention to, I think it’s really powerful.

Sophie (31:31)
It really isn’t,

one million percent.

James (31:48)
What’s the small thing that always makes you smile?

Sophie (31:52)
So my mum got me this calendar and she loves, she is like such a positive woman and this is where I’ve got all my positivity from. She loves little things that just bring you joy in everyday life and she got me a calendar and it says like essentially like a positive quote every day but it’s not just your you know smile in the world, smiles with you like I’m done with like the shallow ones. don’t, I’ve heard enough of love. Yeah, exactly.

Exactly, stuff like that. I’m like, yeah, like it’s nice, I like deeper positivity things. And so this little calendar, it has, yeah, a different quote on it every day and that’s something that I look forward to ⁓ in the morning when I wake up. cause I will never ever look on the day after, like an advent calendar, I will never ever open the day after. I look forward to it.

if I had already looked at it, then it would spoil it on the day that I get there, which is training my brain to, again, not do everything at once, it’s just like in small doses. So I look forward and sometimes it’s just like a little quote that’s written by a child, which is really nice. And sometimes it’s like a whole paragraph of stuff by artists and painters and all of these philosophy people. ⁓ But it’s wonderful. And even when like it doesn’t make sense, I love that because I think this totally makes

made sense to someone else and then that makes me happy. So that’s definitely something that I recommend having something I feel like in the morning that you look forward to because it will help you get on with your

James (33:26)
just kind of

I do have the things that just kind of fix in place yes the day ahead so it is just just the little rituals and the processes and then after that is like I let my brain just go and do what it and it just fills the gap of I need some routine here but then after that is kind of just run wild

It’s kind of the equivalent of like in Jurassic Park when all the dinosaurs run across the hill. So my brain goes off and does that for a couple of hours and then I’ll come back and have it rooted at something that 11 a.m. I have to do.

Sophie (33:55)
And I think

that’s the best approach when you have multiple neurodiversities because when you just try and live like someone who has one and neglect the other’s needs, it does not work.

James (34:11)
No, the other will be like a ⁓ push for attention or push for attention until you get massively overwhelmed and it catches up with you. is both. Yeah, If you had a free day with no plans, how would you spend it?

Sophie (34:21)
to K-O for both.

Walking I love walking literally Walking on my own with my headphones on or with my headphones on while like I’m by traffic and like loud noises But when I get to nature headphones off got my flask of coffee with me been into like black coffee with like bit of hot chocolate powder in recent It’s really nice like a mocha, but doesn’t make you feel like I want to sleep now So yeah recently I’ve got really back into my walking

James (34:47)
Nice.

Sophie (34:57)
and it’s a fine like…

You have to be able to do things alone and enjoy them alone because you will never be dependent on anyone. It’s wonderful. I love my friends and my family and I love having people around me, but I value my own time so much and that’s one of the things. I was in a relationship for about two and a half years and all the things we used to go on walks together and I thought I only enjoyed it ⁓ because I was enjoying the company, but actually I was enjoying the routine.

of doing it because I’m like this is our thing that we do and also I was enjoying the actual doing it like the actual walking so

I spend so much time by myself now and it makes me realise like if I’ve ever been attached to people like I’m not necessarily attached to them I’m attached to the routine that I have with them and then when I do that routine on my own I’m like this is actually better without them a lot of the time not in a way but

James (36:00)
I think, yeah, just

like getting out in nature. I getting outside and just, you know, whatever your brain’s doing. I think just to having the connection with being outdoors and the fresh air and just being with nothing is really powerful. getting out, and I know I like it and I know it’s good for me. And sometimes I really have to kick my own ass to get out and do it. But I know when I’ve done it, I’m going to feel a hell of lot.

Sophie (36:25)
I

and it’s those like things that you have to learn to ⁓ it’s something I can’t remember what the actual phrase is called but like it’s like it’s like not instant gratification yeah so it’s like prolonged gratification it’s like I know this is gonna feel amazing later or when I’m there because I’m like I love when I’m in my nature spot but the walk there sometimes when it’s all traffic and industrial like that’s

quite heinous and I hate that part of it because again I feel like I’m being perceived by everyone in their car whatever it is but when I’m in nature that’s when I truly feel like no one’s watching no exactly exactly exactly that

James (37:01)
Yeah, I will not get judged by a badger.

What’s something that makes you lose track of time?

Sophie (37:10)
playing music, ⁓ working as well actually when it’s a good day, goes by so quickly. Yeah, I’ve been getting back into reading recently, but it’s nice, because going on my phone, that is the thing that passes the time the quickest. So it’s a tool that sometimes I can use if I’ve got a lot of time.

in my head to waste but then it’s like well actually shouldn’t I enjoy that time and have as much time as possible doing something that won’t make it feel like it went by that. My phone like I literally will…

just find myself not so much anymore because I’ve been making a real conscious effort but just like scrolling and I’m like how have I been doing this for two and a half hours like it’s it’s insane and it’s created to do that you so recently I’ve been thinking okay if I’ve got time to waste necessarily actually doing it by doing something I enjoy like reading or like playing music or

James (38:12)
rather than going to to the doom scroll.

Sophie (38:14)
Yeah, because it does pass time and especially if I’ve got something on at a certain time in day and it’s like, what do I do for the rest of the day? Because I can’t obviously do it.

James (38:24)
⁓ the dreaded 3pm appointment? Yes. I’m just gonna sit and do nothing. like the ⁓ animated gif of ⁓ Pablo Escobar on a little chair swing just sat. Yeah. What am gonna do? That’s me, yeah literally. How dare someone book something so late because I’m just gonna stare out the

Sophie (38:42)
know. anything else. So I’ve been trying to think of ways to actually pass the time in way more enjoyable ways. yeah, I got back into reading. I’m really enjoying that. It still makes time pass. But rather, I’m basking in it now rather than trying to make it go as quickly as possible, which again, mindfulness and just being aware.

James (39:05)
Yeah, I think that ⁓ I’ve suddenly remembered what I was going to say about your point of kind of ⁓ the danger that society and mobile phones and online shopping and fast food instant gratification is kind of those rewards that you your brain feeds on but sometimes it is the the reward is much greater if you spend if you’re patient with it and you spend a bit of time with it and make it a routine thing and

and don’t have a desire for instant gratification and just wait for it to happen. It feels a lot better. You’ve to be patient with it.

Sophie (39:43)
Yeah,

and the whole journey ends up being quite gratifying anyway, and that’s the probably most part you’ll remember about something rather than how it felt after.

James (39:52)
Yeah, the kind of, instant gratification is a dangerous thing with busy brains because you can kind of latch onto it and you can get the reward from the doom scrolling or the, you know, making or kind of ordering food in or, but the process of preparing something and cooking a meal is just a really nice thing to do.

Sophie (40:14)
And something I have to keep remembering, if I do, because I really don’t like going on my phone right before bed, especially scrolling, is when I feel myself slipping into that, I’m like, everything that I could consume right now, I will be able to consume tomorrow. And that is something that’s like, it’s not that when I turn it off, I’ll never be able to see it again. It’s like, I can turn it off, and it’s gonna be there tomorrow. Simple.

James (40:41)
Okay, last four questions. Tend to do these as quick fire questions. whatever pops into your head. What’s the best bit of advice you’ve ever been given?

Sophie (40:52)
There is no right time, there is just time and what you do with it. Not really advice, but I like that.

James (40:57)
That’s nice,

that’s nice. What’s something you’re excited to learn to try in the future?

Sophie (41:02)
New instruments, more, more instruments.

James (41:05)
What’s the… because you play guitar, piano… ⁓

Sophie (41:08)
bass.

I used to play cello, maybe I’ll relearn that. Okay. Re-learning a skill.

James (41:13)
Nice. ⁓ What’s one thing you’d like listeners to take away from this conversation?

Sophie (41:19)
Slow down. We are in such a busy world. honestly just need… Everything comes from making sure that you feel safe and your nervous system feels safe and the best thing to do is slow down. Even if you think your brain is too busy, you have autonomy and you are able to slow down and it will help you.

James (41:38)
I that, love that. And finally, what’s next for you? Fantastic. Enjoy the walk, hopefully it will stop raining. Although a rainy walk is pretty good.

Sophie (41:41)
I’m gonna go on a walk after this. Nice!

I I’m thinking… I

know, I’ve got my umbrella so hopefully I’ll be alright. It’s supposed to clear up in the afternoon. Thank you so much, you’ve been lovely.

James (41:55)
Awesome. Thanks Sophie.

Big Bad Beautiful Brains (42:02)
Okay, that’s it for another episode. I hope you enjoyed the chat with Sophie and I. ⁓ Lots more to come episodes with some great people, so make sure you subscribe wherever you get your podcasts from, and I hope to see you back another time.

Until then, toodlepip.